The pencil test:
Do you remember this? Back in the days of Are you there God? It’s me Margaret and “I must, I must, I must increase my bust” there was a test to see whether or not you needed a bra. If you stuck a pencil underneath your breast and it stuck, congrats! You were ready to have the embarrassment of your mom yelling across the Kohls underwear department with another mother about how exciting it is that her daughter is a woman.
But did you know, you can still take, and fail, the pencil test? Apparently it’s the new way to test whether or not you should get a boob job:
Another simple way to determine whether your breasts may be in need of a breast lift is the pencil test. To perform this test, simply stand upright in front of a mirror with your shoulders back in a proper posture position. Without a bra on, take a pencil and slide it under the crease of your breast. When you stand up straight does the pencil stay in place under your breast? If so, you may be a candidate for a breast lift surgery.
Thanks Dr. Zeff! Not only are you telling women repeatedly to feel shame about the bodies, you don’t even think they are smart enough to figure it out without a test from a Judy Blume novel! Did you notice that no matter what, the pencil test is about creating more ways for women to feel insecure about their bodies in order to make us consume? Former passers, who were required to go out and buy bras, are now failers, who should probably buy a cosmetic procedude. blurg.
Luckily, women on this message board, had a hilarious sense of humor about whether or not they “passed” the new pencil test:
MollyGoat: I’m an E cup, so if I “passed the pencil test”, I’d be poking everyone’s eyes out.
iceflower: my little boobs practically repelled it
rennaisancesun: Like I said in another thread, I can hold a 24 pack of crayons (or a small banana) under there, if need calls.
shagginabit:at the risk of losing two writing utensils, lets just say I failed the test.
punkmommy: I’m a DD cup, I’m surprised things don’t get lost down there. I don’t want to take that chance with an innocent pencil
msbunnicula: I like tests where small boobs are at an advantage. Go small boobs go!!!
and finally, a song:
MollyCat:Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder
like a Continental soldier?
Personally, I’d like to agree with borealis: I failed with booblicious colors.