Over the Christmas season there was a lot of chatter around the blogosphere about the stupid, unnecessary and sexist gendering of children’s toys and toy websites.
Things like this screen capture from the Toys’R'us website particularly irk me.
Are toys really so separated that there are toys for girls and toys for boys and no toys that are for both or either?
And then of course there is the rampant and rather disgusting sexualization of children’s toys.
Given the current climate of explicitly gendering and sexualizing most children’s toys and the toy buying process, I would like to congratulate Playmobil for not following the trend.
Playmobil’s toys are and continue to be aimed at all children regardless of their gender. The Playmobil website is organized by theme or location (such as Farm, Pirates, Police, and Circus) rather than by “boys’” and “girls’” toys. Ok, so there is a little bit of pink behind the lettering for the Dollhouse, Fairy World, and Magic Castle play sets, but that’s about the extent of the gendering. And even then the Magic Castle is mainly decked-out in tasteful shades of white and gold with a few pink accents, rather than being entirely pink and sparkly and covered flowers and kitties.
And then there’s the classic Playmobil figurines. I really appreciate that their people figures are completely non-sexualized and are in fact frequently not explicitly male or female. In the example below, there do seem to be men and women figures, but they are wearing similar clothing and Playmobil has not bought into the gendering of colors. (The man and woman on the right are wearing the same shade of blue and they do not use color to indicate gender).
As a teacher, a feminist, and a consumer, Playmobil gets my stamp of approval for producing clever, fun, and age-appropriate children’s toys and advertising those toys in a socially responsible way that does not reinforce traditional gender roles.
Excerpted from an astoundingly eloquent and resonant post about disability at racialicious. Read the whole post. No, really, it’s worth it.
I believe we all succumb to societal orthodoxies in some way, because the procurement of favor demands it and it allows us to live without troublesome confusion. But for many of us, orthodoxies become a memorial, a shine at which we pray and to which we cling, all the while privately acknowledging that the shrine is not of our making, not to our liking and that it segregates and kills us very casually, very privately and very slowly. This photo helped free me from my denial.
This particular quote stood out to me as something that we all do, whether it relates to disability, gender presentation, food habits or any other aspect of our lives. I think we’ve hit on this idea during discussion group, but I’ve never seen it expressed so powerfully and truthfully.
Which societal shrines do you worship at and why? Which shrines have you abandoned? What can we do to help free ourselves from our denials?
Because many of you commented that you enjoyed “getting it right” posts, I though I would pass along this link from Gender Across Borders: Getting it Right when it Comes to Anti-Rape Campaigns. This is important, because there are a lot of ways that sexual violence prevention, particularly in mass campaigns has been done wrong:
1. Blaming the victim: I’ve presented Norwegian media’s efforts to “warn women” about sexual violence rather than discuss systematic problems and rape culture. GAB’s post references the S*M*A*R*T campaign, which similarly blames victims for sexual violence by giving women steps to avoid being sexually assaulted, because “rape happens”.
2. Triggering: Both of these ads could be triggering for some survivors, but the efforts of Cabwise in London (shown to me by a friend) are unquestionably triggering and creating of an unsafe environment for survivors. *warning, as I said, this ad is very triggering*
3. Glamorizing sexual violence: Joelynn recently wrote about how sensationalism makes her feel unsafe to tell her story as a survivor, and I think it’s a really important consideration in mass campaigns. There have been mixed opinions on the “This is not an invitation to rape me” campaign, also out of the UK, but I think there is definitely some problems with sensationalism.
And that’s why I’m glad Gender Across Borders presented this ad from Go Belfast as a way to promote sexual violence prevention “right”, and I definitely agree with them:
The ad unequivocally places the blame for acts of sexual assault on the perpetrator, and sets the standard for consent as something active. It must be given; it is not something that can be assume in the absence of denial. And it must be given freely meaning without coercion or pressure of any kind. By referring to “any act that’s in any way sexual”, the ad makes clear that there is no point before which unwanted sexual action are acceptable.
Can I also mention that the “consent is sexy” campaign might be getting it right? I discussed it a bit in the comments on their post, but feel free to leave your own thoughts about how sexual violence prevention can be done right.
Via fem.men.ist
I call on men and boys everywhere to join us. Break the silence. When you witness violence against women and girls, do not sit back. Act. Advocate. Unite to change the practices and attitudes that incite, perpetrate and condone this violence. Violence against women and girls will not be eradicated until all of us – men and boys – refuse to tolerate it.
- UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon
Ban Ki-Moon launched the Network of Men Leaders to End Violence Against Women in November 2009, at the official observance of the 10th anniversary of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. He believes that “men must teach each other that real men do not violate or oppress women” and I think that’s pretty cool.
Part of V-day is preventing sexual violence in our own communities. One of the issues on our campus is communication and consent. So my incredible roommate, of show me your wits fame, came up with the idea to collect sexy ways to ask for consent from students, and then give them the V-day stamp of approval. These are up all over campus; here are our favorites:
check here to see more, or leave your own sexy ways in the comments!
Last week, a group of pranksters launched a counter-protest of Westboro Baptist Church’s demonstration in front of Twitter’s San Francisco office and I haven’t stopped laughing since.
I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of looks.
How many is “a lot”?
Enough to have categorized for myself the different types.
I know which ones are merely conveying acknowledgment
(I am a human being passing you on the sidewalk),
or appreciation
(sometimes I shower and do my hair).
Which ones are confused or amused
(usually the result of the observer undergoing some internal conflict as whether or not to tell me my skirt is tucked into my underwear, or that I am too old to be dressing up for Halloween),
and then there are the ones that don’t fit into any category,
except uncomfortable.
As in, they make me uncomfortable.
There’s a difference between being friendly and being vulgar.
Maybe it’s a thin line, perceptible mostly to me,
but I assure you, it is there, and I can sense when it is crossed.
When I feel vulnerable.
When I feel like I need to avert my eyes, walk more quickly, pretend I am momentarily unable to hear or see anything other than some distant point, some distant safe point.
Because sometimes the looks are accompanied by suggestive facial contortions in my direction, sometimes by disgusting words
(and I can usually tell when those are going to follow).
But they don’t have to, for the look to be scary, or threatening,
or simply just a way that I don’t want to be looked at.
Am I overly sensitive?
If it was nightime on a deserted street, you could see the validity of me, as a young woman, feeling uncomfortable walking by myself.
But why are those feelings less valid during the day?
What is so scary about the night?
Do you think those people who make me feel uncomfortable at night magically disappear during the day? Do you think that they are only obvious monsters, like vampires or some other vulturing creature alive only at night?
You don’t think that they also walk the streets during the day,
or drive past me,
honking the horn,
waving their tongues at me as they stop at the red light?
I can hardly eat a freaking ice-cream cone without it being construed as a freaking sexual simulation.
Did I ask for that, by daring to eat an ice-cream cone as I walked down the street?
Or maybe I was dressed too suggestively – I did forget the bag that I am supposed to wear over my head.
And again, the looks don’t have to be accompanied by such explicit vulgarity.
The subtelty of it all is what is sometimes so scary.
I know how I want to be looked at, and how I don’t.
20 years of field experience has helped me figure out the difference.
So when I say I am uncomfortable,
do not tell me I am being overly sensitive.
Respect me enough to listen to me.
Respect me enough to see me as a whole person, and take me seriously.
The Ultimate Guide to Sex & Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain and Illness by Cory Silverburg, Miriam Kaufman, and Fran Odette
A lot of things are tied up in sex. There are emotional considerations, the physical interaction, gender stereotypes, and personal pleasure (plus a whole lot more). There are also a lot of things tied up in disability. Physical and mental pain, fatigue, self-esteem, societal stereotypes, and day to day interactions with the world (again, plus a whole lot more).
Able-bodied sexual interactions can be plenty complicated. When you add disability or chronic illness (which are already a part of the daily lives of many people), things can get really stressful, even to the point where it can even feel like sex and living with a disability are incompatible. A really crucial part of any healthy sexual experience is to be able to communicate what you want and need. This is especially true when you have a disability, because your needs are often not met without additional effort. This book provides support and encouragement alongside expert advice, all aimed at helping people living with disabilities and chronic illness to create a healthy sex life that works for them.
Much of the advice is aimed at general areas that affect wide ranges of disabilities: pain, fatigue, mobility, self-esteem, and communication. But no one section of the book has just one potential solution to a problem, and there are often sections dedicated to particular disabilities. Instead there are suggestions based on different factors (like comfort, relationship, etc.) alongside specific information from experts and plenty of resources. One of the best parts of the book is the different sexual positions based on ability, and tons of tips about masturbation, toys, and getting to know your body and your body’s schedule.
This book makes it clear that sex and pleasure are not lost causes for people with disabilities and are, in fact, very possible. The book is encouraging and supportive, and makes a point to address the unique concerns of self-esteem and communication often associated with disability. The book is tremendously helpful for anyone with a disability or chronic illness, or anyone engaging in sexual relationships with partners with disabilities or chronic illnesses. It’s sex-positive, easy to read, and recognizes that all people deserve to have healthy sex lives, regardless of ability.
Allie Schwartz, Gender and Sexuality Center librarian.
For more from the GSC library, check out the website.
Joelynn’s recent post reminded me of a site I’ve been meaning to blog about for a while now: Shapely Women. Shapely Women seeks to show “positive portrayals of more than a very narrow range of beauty” in the form of artistic representations of women of all sizes. Here are a few of my favorites:
There Comes Papa
Water Nymph
and of course, the Venus of Willendorf
The major problem I have with Shapely Women is the lack of women of color in their artwork, which is a shortcoming they readily admit and claim to be trying to remedy. But in general it’s a fun site that’s trying to promote a wider definition of beauty. Go check it out!
There have been a lot of great posts about fat activism lately, and rather than save them all in my bookmarks, I thought I’d share.
Elizabeth Turnquist, Fat Activist, articulates what she wants:
I’m willing to forgo the part where society accepts me. I’m perfectly happy being a deviant.
But I’m not okay with my civil rights being impinged on.
I don’t really have the resources to be a lobbyist. The best I can do is try to sway public opinion. To educate and inform and rally.
So that’s what I’m doing
Next, The Guardian featured fatshion blogs! And the article manages to recognize how gorgeous these women are and not have a “but the Obesity Epidemic!” moment at the end. The depictions of sites like fatshionista are spot-on:
But perhaps the site’s most mesmerizing feature is its Flickr gallery, where anyone US size 14 (UK 16) and over can post photographs of themselves in their favourite outfits. So you have a stunning woman in a red dress, a tattoo spreading rapturously across her chest… There’s a woman in a pink and green flowered mod dress with pink tights. There are women in satin cocktail dresses with lace gloves; cartoon print tunics with cowboy boots; hotpants with a jumper and beret; in swimsuits, bikinis, and tight, tight T-shirts. Thousands of women staring defiantly at the camera, daring someone to suggest they’re not gorgeous.
And Nag Rao explains why it is activism:
Putting pictures of myself up on the internet is my small act of fat activism. When I upload my pictures, I always tag them with the words ‘obesity epidemic’ and ‘200lbs’ because this is what the obesity epidemic looks like. It’s not the huge, headless fatty that you see in the newspapers. This is it.
Next, Natalie Wilson has a funny and powerful post about fat vampires on Womanist Musings
Why do fat vampires matter? Or, more to the point, why does it matter that almost all vampires are thin in the extreme? For the same reason it matters that they are also generally male, white, heterosexual, moneyed, able-bodied, etc. Popular culture matters – and currently vampires are having another major vogue – how they are represented shapes how we think of the world and ourselves. And if the most beautiful monsters are never fat, or never WOC*, what does this say about our “post-racial” supposedly diversity-loving society? It says that fat-hatred or sizism (and all the other nasty isms) are unfortunately undead
Finally, Her article links us to one of my favorite quotes about fat activism, from Melissa McEwan on Shakesville:
It remains a radical act to be fat and happy in America, especially if you’re a woman (for whom “jolly” fatness isn’t an option). If you’re fat, you’re not only meant to be unhappy, but deeply ashamed of yourself, projecting at all times an apologetic nature, indicative of your everlasting remorse for having wrought your monstrous self upon the world. You are certainly not meant to be bold, or assertive, or confident—and should you manage to overcome the constant drumbeat of messages that you are ugly and unsexy and have earned equally society’s disdain and your own self-hatred, should you forget your place and walk into the world one day with your head held high, you are to be reminded by the cow-calls and contemptuous looks of perfect strangers that you are not supposed to have self-esteem; you don’t deserve it. Being publicly fat and happy is hard; being publicly, shamelessly, unshakably fat and happy is an act of both will and bravery.
So let’s be brave, shall we?
